A Disturbance in the Atmosphere

Does the atmosphere of your home promote life and growth? Is it conducive to the development of your children’s character?

What do I mean by “atmosphere of the home”? I’m referring to the spirit of the home, the general feeling or mood. You can’t see it but you can feel it. You can observe its effects.

Have you ever visited a friend’s home and, after just a minute of socializing, you recognize there is a climate of love present? Conversely, perhaps you’ve visited a home where you immediately sensed a flavor of criticism. That sensation is what I mean when I say “atmosphere”.

Before you had kids, did you and your spouse dream about what your kids would be like? What you would teach them or share with them? How you would pass on the things you are most enthusiastic about? The home should embody all those ideals, those ambitious dreams towards which you want to instruct your children.

In a home with a positive atmosphere, parents and children enjoy one another. They express affection with hugs, kisses, and tender touch. When each family member returns, weary from the world, the home is a haven, calm and refreshing. The air is full of the pure oxygen of God’s love. It’s a place where health, gentleness, and sympathy are promoted. Every decision is made by determining what fosters that which is best for the children. There isn’t an overwhelming amount of social activities, but hospitality is practiced regularly. The ambience isn’t poisoned by unloving words or thoughts. There are manners, beauty, vitality, and excellence. Quite a vision to aspire to, isn’t it?

I believe parents are directly responsible for the atmosphere. We have the power to create it and maintain it. My mom always says it’s primarily moms who set the tone for the home. That’s another good way of saying that we as moms create the atmosphere. Mothers who wish to create a beautiful and positive atmosphere at home are consistent. They don’t have outbursts of anger. Neither do they turn a cold shoulder to a child who has committed some offense. These aren’t perfect moms but they have learned some secrets. What is in our hearts is what comes out and affects the atmosphere around us. Consider the following ideas and how they influence your atmosphere:

• Performance vs. Peace - In your heart, are you trying to “perform” and come across as a perfect mom? We have an idea of what we want others to think of us, and often we believe that our children and our home are a reflection of who we are, so we try to perform up to that level of expectation. This is never sustainable. We can run ourselves ragged, put tons of pressure on ourselves and still never feel like we measure up. The angst you feel inside will undoubtedly come out and establish an atmosphere of tension in your home. The opposite of a performance lifestyle is living in peace - God’s perfect peace. (Isaiah 26:3) When we live in the freedom of who we are and allow God to guide us into how we order our lives, we will have peace. When we give up trying to control what others think about us, peace can reign. When we get over ourselves and give all our brokenness to God, He will make us whole and change our hearts so that we can experience His gift of peace as the backdrop of our homes and lives.

• Micromanaging vs. Training - Are you micromanaging your children? Basically, it means that you want to control every part of their lives, no matter how small. It may get you short-term results but your kids will either 1) grow to resent you and your actions, or 2) find it difficult to function on their own once they are adults. When you micromanage others, it often means you are dealing with anxiety. See the above bullet point about peace! The atmosphere at home will be strained if you’re living this way. The opposite is to diligently train your kids and then allow them to make mistakes. (1 John 4:18) Encouraging them, giving them responsibility, and letting them make choices is difficult, especially when they are young, but it is vital to ensuring they grow into adults who can handle their own lives. Let go of some of the details and be there to empathize with your child and coach them along when their decision goes poorly. Your kid can do something truly stupid and still grow up to be an amazing adult!

• Private vs. Unashamed - Is your relationship with Jesus private? Perhaps you are a faithful Christian who has developed a relationship with the Lord over the years through daily prayer and Bible reading, good deeds and church attendance. That’s great! But if you are not living a lifestyle where you are sharing what you’ve learned with your kids and pointing them to Jesus everyday, you are too private with your faith. Your kids need to see you crying out to God, petitioning Him for His provision, repenting of your sin, serving others, and witnessing to others how God has changed your heart. Sharing His love unashamedly with your family and all those you come in contact with will change the framework of your family life. (Romans 1:16)

• Resist vs. Submit - Sometimes we feel like God has forgotten us or led us to a miserable place and we are stuck. If you find yourself frustrated with your station in life, or you call yourself a failure for how you are mothering, it may be that you are resisting the plan God has for your life. The opposite is to completely and humbly submit yourself to God and His plan for you. (1Peter 5:6) He has made you to be the exact right mom for your particular children. There is no way that by accepting your kids for who they are and pouring into them that you can be doing wrong or failing. A heart of surrender will create a home setting of joy.

• Ignore vs. Guard - I know by experience how easy it is to flick on the tv or hand my kid a tablet so I can have some quiet, alone time. If they are sitting in one spot and not screaming, it must be a win, right? Well, not always. We have a responsibility to be gatekeepers of our homes and of our children’s hearts and minds. Ignoring what they watch or what they’re listening to is easier than being vigilant - in the moment - but often leads to distress later. We must be on guard because the devil is prowling about like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. The innocence of our children can and will be taken if we are not preserving it. (Proverbs 31:27) Be alert so that the atmosphere in your home is sound.

Friend, my home isn’t always the atmosphere of my dreams, but after putting the above ideas into practice for a while, I’ve felt a definite shift. Music is played more often. The Bible is now read more. And Jesus has moved in permanently. I’m constantly astounded by the level of joy He gives to our home. I am praying for you today, that you will experience a divinely inspired disturbance in your atmosphere.