Be REAL this Christmas

Modeling our true identity for our kids

Are you for REAL?

At your core, in the depths of your heart, who are you? Does the real you show herself consistently, or do you ever pretend to be someone or something you are not? Who are you when you are under pressure?

It’s easy to go crazy at Christmas with shopping, especially when we think about watching each child’s eyes light up as they unwrap a special new plaything. As we prepare for Christmas morning, we may be approached by guilt. We worry about not getting enough gifts or the correct items for each person on our list. But let’s stop and think…what are we actually pursuing by this ritual? Is it that we want to be applauded by the recipient for being most thoughtful? Is it that we want our kids to be happy with their new belongings, and, therefore happy with us? If the recipient is disappointed with their gift, do we take responsibility for letting them down?

For some time now, Christmas has been highly commercialized and has pulled away from anything to do with the birth of Christ. Most of the decorum of the holiday isn’t even real anymore. Elves, flying reindeer, magic…all fun, and I’m not saying it’s necessarily wrong. These things simply are not REAL.

At this current point in history there is a larger struggle with identity than ever before. Most influencers found on social media are promoting what isn’t real. Photos are doctored, concepts are altered for maximum money-making and power-grabbing. In general, people, especially young people, but it affects the older crowd as well, are having a tough time being authentic. It’s attractive to try out different versions of yourself to find the one with which you're most comfortable. It’s often easier to pretend to be something you're not because the REAL you might not be accepted in the way one desires. Identity is being perverted in our culture.

Back to Christmas. Although you may not be aware, many of us aren’t our true selves around the Christmas season. How many of us moms actually find it enjoyable to lose sleep and stress out over the organizing, planning, shopping, wrapping, traveling, and baking this time of year brings? How about hosting guests, spending extra money, and finding elaborate ways to keep the kids occupied or behaving well? No one fills mom’s stocking or creates special magic for us. And what ends up happening is the family doesn’t notice all the work and time and money and effort you’ve put in so you feel unappreciated. Then you’re resentful.

Those are all worthy actions, and I’m not saying we shouldn’t do them. The desire to please everyone by making Christmas “perfect” may mean we are wanting our friends and family to think WE are great rather than pointing them to Jesus, which is the REAL meaning of Christmas. It essentially becomes self-worship. When you’re engaged in self-worship, you are not engaging in God-worship. Being real is not defined by worshipping yourself, it’s defined by being fully who God designed you to be.

When we are focused on all these preparations, we may forget to allow room in our hearts and minds for Jesus to speak to us. When we can’t hear Him speaking to us, all the frustration and exhaustion becomes more profound. Let’s not be moms who are self-sacrificial for the wrong reasons. Let’s not be women who attempt to live up to imaginary standards no one is placing on us. Let’s not be women who are trying to live up to an impossible standard the world sets for us. None of us HAVE to do any of it. Did you know you don’t even HAVE to buy gifts for your kids? We want to make Christmas special for them, but why? Is it truly about celebrating Jesus’ birthday?

The treasure of wanting to be loved and appreciated by our family is not found in the perfect presents under the tree or the best light display or a visit with Santa. Our kids want to know that we, as mamas, are full of joy. When we want our kids to be happy, even at our own expense, it actually puts a pressure on the kids to be happy. They may even begin to pretend they’re happy just to please us or to keep us from yelling and being ugly. Let’s do the celebratory things because we want to, not because it’s expected of us. Those types of expectations are the ones that heap guilt on us.

We parents often talk about just wanting our kids to be happy and to grow up to be happy productive adults. When you think about it, you really can’t MAKE someone be happy. You can give them all the gifts and do all the things they say they want you to do, but they may still be unhappy in their souls. True happiness does not come from our circumstances or our possessions.

We can model for them what it means to be happy and productive adults. This starts by being completely real and vulnerable before the Lord, asking Him to search us and know our hearts. We must ask Him to point out anything offensive in us and to lead us in His everlasting way. He helps us to be authentic before Him as well as in front of others. He aids us in throwing off any false pretenses and maintaining an attitude of humility. He helps us to then go forward and lead lives of substance and depth, focusing on real matters that really matter.

A few years ago, I asked God to show me what my identity was. He said I was bold and fearless. I thought that was strange since I usually associate someone who is bold with having an abrasive personality. I never considered myself abrasive. But He showed me they are not one and the same. The times when I was abrasive, yelling at my kids and so on, were times when I wasn’t being bold in living the lifestyle He laid out for me to follow in His Word. He unveiled the idea that it’s ok to have those rough edges because He will sand them off as I give Him all the parts of myself. He will reveal the different moments and the different areas where we are pretending so He can guide us back to living the real way He has planned for us. Go to God and find out who you really are and be that this Christmas.