He Would Not Smile for the Photo

What you do when your kid won't cooperate? Don't let it discourage you, Mama!

We hired a professional photographer to take pictures of our kids at a beautiful state park last autumn. I bought coordinating outfits and blocked out a few hours for the morning of the photo shoot. The kids seemed to be in a good mood and it was a gorgeous fall day. I was excited for the fresh air and thought perhaps the photographer would be able to capture the lovely rosy cheeks of my precious little ones. 

However, child number five, who was five years old at the time, decided that he WAS NOT going to have his picture taken. He did everything humanly possible to avoid the camera. He put his hands over his face. He turned around backwards. He even ran away into the woods and hid. 

As if this was not frustrating enough, my aunt and uncle were visiting from out of state and had come along to the park with us that day. I felt like the pressure was on to have my children on their best behavior in front of my relatives. I could feel the eyes of everyone looking on as I struggled to get my kid to cooperate. 

I literally had to chase him through the woods. My arms became scratched on brambles as I pursued the offender. After several minutes, I caught him and wrestled him back out to the clearing where his siblings were waiting. They seemed angelic in comparison. I emerged from the brush, sweaty and disheveled, my face flushed from both the running and my rage.

The photographer had a limited amount of time; the other children had a limited amount of patience. I was desperate for his cooperation. I praised him and encouraged a happy face but that wasn’t working. I cajoled, spanked, pleaded, begged, and bribed for a smile and even caved to shaming him. He continued to resist. With the stubbornness of a mule, he would not show his face. 

Thankfully, the amazingly patient photographer was lightning fast with her shutter finger and happened to catch just two pictures with him unintentionally looking at the camera. That was the best we could hope for at that point. 

We parted ways and I loaded everyone into the minivan. I was so upset. I was embarrassed. I felt the tears stinging at the back of my eyes. Why wouldn’t my kid just listen to me? What was so tough about posing for a picture? 

I don’t know the answers to these questions. He is still the most stubborn of my offspring. All I know is that these types of situations are important as teaching moments for the child but even more so for ME. These are the exact moments I tend to overlook so often. I just want to put the negative experience behind me and move forward. But what I have learned is that this is the moment that my subconscious hangs onto and wears me down. I start thinking my kid is rotten, he’s too tough, he’s so stubborn, he never listens to me, he’ll never amount to anything, motherhood is miserable, I need a vacation or a distraction, why is my kid the naughty one, and so on.

My response matters. I needed to go to God and tell Him, “That sucked. I was so embarrassed. My kid’s actions today made me angry and feel like a failure as a mom.” God can handle my complaints. 

But I can’t stay there. I then need to go to the Word and see that it contains great wisdom like in Jeremiah 17:7-8. “But blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in Him. They will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.”

I definitely needed to go home and lovingly train my son in obedience. The photo session made it clear that we had been slacking off in that area with him. It wasn’t right for me to give up or whine to my friends about how hard motherhood is. It was an opportunity for me to seek the Lord in how He wanted me to respond in grace and dignity. It was a time to practice finding my confidence in Him, and rely on Him for help teaching my son cooperation and obedience.

That incident helped me recognize that my child's bad attitude on this one day is not indicative of him growing up to be an unassailable rebel. God has a plan for him. It was a catalyst to better training, and more trusting in the Lord for how to do that. 

Don’t give up when your kids act rotten. This is a tough gig we’re doing, Mamas. It takes a great deal of attention and energy. Do not give up hope when you have hard days. Go to the Word of God and be strengthened and refreshed.