Letting Go of What We Wish Things Were

When you can't get what you want, will you accept or resign?

I am officially a published writer.

Ok, so it’s not that big of a deal. Although I did receive a $50 check.

In 1996 I submitted a one line quote to Reader’s Digest’s “Quotable Quotes” section. And right there on page 37 of the November issue is my original quote! It’s located just down the page from sayings by Clarence Thomas, Chuck Norris and James Thurber.

This is what it says, “When you can’t have what you want, it’s time to start wanting what you have.”

I distinctly remember the moment that thought entered my mind and heart. It was in 1988 when my sister, Debbie, passed away from cancer at the age of 34. I was walking out of her home with the last box of her clothing to be taken to Goodwill. I clearly felt God touching my heart with a sense of peace that seemed misplaced in this situation. I felt a genuine sense of hope and assurance that God was near and He would remain near as we all navigated this difficult season.

What I wanted was for Debbie not to be gone. What I wanted was for her husband and six-year-old son to not have to adjust to life without her. What I wanted was for my mother to not have to be in such pain from losing her beloved daughter. What I wanted, I could not have.

I realize my quoted words of wisdom (?) might sound almost like a reprimand. Like, “Stop whining.” Instead, I believe they are words of encouragement. Like the Lord telling us, “You can do this. I’m with you.”

God loves us so much and He is intent upon growing us up into the likeness and character of His Son, Jesus, and helping us to be the best we can be. The end result of His purpose for our lives will surely include times of loss or pain. I’ve been confronted many times in my life with situations or circumstances I did not or do not want. Most likely you have too. Each time this happens, we must choose how we will respond – resignation or acceptance? Let’s talk about these words.

Resign means to admit or agree that something undesirable cannot be avoided. Ok, sounds right. But resignation has a negative undertone. Resignation is defined as a sense of feeling defeated and incapable of creating change, like giving up. Resignation might cause us to feel like we are being “bullied” into submission. It is a perspective that could lead us into resenting or being offended by our God.

On the other hand, to accept means to receive (something offered) willingly or consent to, say yes to, (something offered). Acceptance has positive undertones. Acceptance is agreeing to embrace (or work wisely and effectively within) our circumstances even when they are difficult or painful. It is a healthier perspective that solicits God’s help and support in enduring troubles that come our way.

Are you seeing the difference? Now, I did not start wanting to have to continue my life without my dear sister, with whom I was very close. I was deeply hurt by her death and absence from our lives. I believed then, as I do now, that God is good, even when what we see as bad things happen. I leaned on Him, cried to Him, argued with Him as I went through the grieving and acceptance process.

It takes much strength, courage and faith to let go of what we wish things were in order to accept what things are. We wish our husbands were different. We wish our children were different. We wish we didn’t have health issues, or had a bigger house, or more friends, or more money. My favorite motto used to be, “It is what it is!” Sounds a bit flippant, but isn’t it true? When we realize that we will never win when we fight against God, we will experience greater peace and amazing growth. Our friend Job suffered great pain and loss. His faith was steadfast as he spoke to his wife. (Job 2:10) “Shall we indeed accept good from God and not accept adversity?” And then we are reminded. “In all this Job did not sin with his lips.”

Are you faced with a choice of response today? Ask these questions. How can I change my attitude to make things better? What can I do to align myself with God’s purpose for my life? Expect great things from His hand. Trust Him. He is so for us and never against us. Settling into the “what is” right now will open new doors of insight into His character, His goodness and His glorious plans for your life. I guarantee you will see surprising results.

You can do this! I’m with you