Raising Accomplished Boys

Moms want to feel proud watching their sons achieve great things

All moms want to be proud of their sons. We want to be able to be excited for them in their ventures and hold our heads high while we watch them make excellent choices. How can we be proud of them without making it about us? How can we teach our boys to accomplish great things in a way that’s honorable and pleasing to the Lord? Here are a few of my suggestions:

• Teach Endurance

The prophet Jeremiah was complaining to the Lord about the wicked people around him who seemed to be prospering instead of receiving the justice Jeremiah believed they deserved. God did not respond with empathy. He called Jeremiah to a higher standard. “If you have raced with men on foot and they have worn you out, how can you compete with horses? If you stumble in safe country, how will you manage in the thickets by the Jordan?” (Jeremiah 12:5) In other words, life is tough and it only gets tougher! Train your boys in endurance, to not get easily worn out.

When some folks say, “That can never happen,” others say, “Why not?” Read the stories of the “Why not?” people. Have your boys read the biographies of those who overcame great obstacles and accomplished tremendous deeds such as George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, Jackie Robinson, Ben Carson, William Wilberforce, and other similar heroes. The Bible is full of stories about people who accomplished great things when they should not have been able to do it.

What is the common factor among people who are accomplishers? It’s not how smart or talented they are. It’s not privilege. It’s the endurance to overcome obstacles. If you can overcome the obstacles, there is nothing you can’t accomplish.

• Go to God Together

Praise God for every opportunity to prove that He is big. I tend to keep quiet about problems because I don’t want my kids to worry. But I’m learning that selectively sharing concerns with them, and showing them how to bring it to the Lord, is important because they get to see that God is bigger than our problems! We get to watch God work on our behalf. I get to share the joy with my kids when God answers our prayers and does miracles.

God allows hurdles to pop up along our path. Then He blesses our socks off by knocking every single one of them out of our way when we run the race with Him. It’s our job to keep from making a stink about the obstacles. They are really just opportunities to prove His power and goodness.

• Push Them

I know it's kinda cringey to recommend MAKING your kid do anything. I’m not advocating being a controlling parent, but boys often need to be pushed. We have decided our boys are required to do many things including be polite, do their chores, and complete their homework.

The summer my oldest son was eligible for work, I made him get in the minivan as I drove to every fast food establishment in town, and forced him to go inside and ask for a job. He was not happy about it…at first. But once he had made biscuits at Bojangles all summer and saved up a few thousand dollars, he was grateful I had pushed him. If the thing you are pushing for is for their own good, not just your whim, I’d say, “Go for it!” Be a mom who raises the expectation.

• Let Them Struggle

I love to incubate chicken and duck eggs at home. It’s so exciting to watch a new little chick or duckling emerge. But it’s imperative to not help the chick out of the egg. It is necessary for them to go through the struggle of pecking away the shell little by little. It feels difficult to hold back because it would be so easy to pull away a piece and make the evacuation smoother. But the chick would not thrive. It has to hatch on its own. I provide the appropriate environment, the proper temperature and humidity level, turning the eggs diligently several times a day, but the struggle is their own.

Just like a chick develops its strength as it struggles to hatch, so do we develop strength of character because of the nitty-gritty we slog through. Instead of whining and complaining and quitting, we need to face our problems with hope. “Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.” (James 1:2-3)

We are killing a generation by trying to make life easier for them. Our boys will face trials of every kind. Teach them to maintain an attitude of joy. Teach them not to be shocked and surprised when hard times come. Introduce them to the One who goes through the fire with them.

• Choose Good Friends

Eagles can fly at altitudes where the sun is so bright it would hurt human eyes. Eagles can look directly into the sun. Chickens cannot. They’re always looking down scratching in the dirt. Our kids won’t be able to soar like eagles if they’re running with chickens! Teach them to choose friends wisely. 1 Corinthians 15:33 says, “Do not be misled: ‘Bad company corrupts good character.’” Even if your son is mature, he runs the risk of mirroring the behaviors, language, and habits of friends who are not godly. Teach your boys to be self-controlled and alert. Their best friends should be brothers in Christ who will spur them on in their walk with Christ. Help them out by inviting whole families to your home, hosting teen game nights, or seeking out interest-based groups.

• Allow Them to Take Risk

Have you noticed boys want to do dangerous stuff? My boys are always trying to hunt squirrels and rabbits with BB guns. Those poor innocent critters! Or they pick up snakes, traipse into thickly wooded areas, jump off high structures, and eat gross stuff just to see what it’s like.

They want to take risks and accomplish great things. Your boy was created to do more than simply exist.

1 Corinthians 9:24 says, “Do you not know that in a race, all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize.” Boys are competitive because they’re trying to run in such a way that gets them the prize!

We have created a culture where there is not much danger or competition. Everybody wins, everyone gets a trophy, safety first, and so on. My sensitive nature loves this but I don’t believe it’s truly best, especially for young men. Many guys today are living just to live, to goof off, do the bare minimum to skate by and get a paycheck. Adults often squelch those God-given competitive efforts.

God put the desires in males to use their energy, build bridges, ride bulls, throw round objects very hard, experiment with explosions, and take dominion. Of course, He also gave them parents to help corral that drive and guide them in the right direction. Be a guide without taking away all of the risk factors.

• Love Unconditionally

Your boys are definitely not going to perpetually do things the way you’d prefer. That’s the thing about unconditional love - it is without condition. You love them even if they don’t reciprocate, even if their response isn’t even very receptive. They aren’t going to act lovable, or even likable, much of the time. You can’t make your boys feel your love. Quiet your fears, silence your criticism and insecurities, get rid of offense and just love them for who they are.

We have to teach our kids that God’s Word is powerful and God Himself is always faithful. God never gives up or gives in. Our boys may reject us. They won’t like our decisions. But don’t give up on them. There will be discouraging times in our parenting journey, but it won’t do any good to lose the vision. Hug ‘em, make their favorite meal, take time just to sit and talk without judgment or giving advice. Those simple acts will speak volumes about your love.