With All Due Respect

Have you taught your children to think about how their actions will impact others?

Unsightly garbage! Empty cans, plastic wrappers, paper of all kinds and colors, glass and plastic bottles and many other unidentifiable items. No, we were not at the landfill. My husband and I were driving, in the country, on a two-lane road between groups of houses and white-fenced horse farms. The litter was all along the sides of the road!

The parent in me rose up and wanted to discipline someone. I thought about the fact that I could not even consider throwing a piece of trash on the ground, no matter where I was. Nor could my husband.

So, how did we come to be that way? I think the answer is Respect! Our parents modeled respectful behavior and taught us the value of learning respectful behavior. Respect is treating someone or something with high regard. It is caring enough to think about how your actions will impact others. It is treating others and their property the way I would want myself and my property to be treated. That littered roadside may have been caused by a lack of teaching about good old fashioned respect.

Learning to live with an attitude of respect lays a solid foundation which will support every avenue of life. I think respect is a valuable life-skill, and the effort we devote to teaching it will bring great rewards. Children are not born with the knowledge of how to behave respectfully. They need to be instructed. And it is a process. Scripture gives us many details about living and acting respectfully. Parenting advice that you can depend on is that children are more apt to respond favorably to your actions than to your lectures. Our children are watching us! They want to imitate us. Teaching respect begins with demonstrating it in our own lives.

The first step is to talk to your children about respect – what it is and why it is important. Establish house rules (not many, just a few) that are based on learning to respect each other and your possessions. Help your children to understand God’s provisions and how to be good stewards or caretakers of all that He has given us. Let them know clearly what is expected of them. And then, model it.

Use good manners. Even the smallest child can learn the meaning and use of please and thank-you. I am pretty sure I never cooked and served a meal that my husband did not thank me for in front of our children. He wanted them to learn appreciation for the things daily provided for them. (He still thanks me for every meal!) When another family member does something for you, no matter how small, it is important to thank them. When our children did their usual assigned chores, we made sure to thank them for being faithful to their responsibilities.

The motto in our home was, “Helping is doing whatever needs to be done.” When mom returned from the store with groceries, everyone was expected to help get them from the car and assist in putting things away. If something was on the floor, no matter how it ended up there, the rule was to not just step over it but to pick it up and return it to its proper place. Toys and games were put away. Coats were hung up. Good manners teach, not only respect, but thoughtfulness and regard for others, as well as, taking responsibility for one’s own actions.

The second step is to treat your children with respect. We must first demonstrate whatever behavior we want to see in our children. When you speak with your child, put down your book or your phone, look them in the eye and let them see you are listening. Have pleasant conversations with them. They will learn confidence in looking people in the eye and speaking kindly when spoken to or when meeting someone.

Let them tell you their side of the story before passing judgement. They still have to obey the rules, but they will know that there voice is being heard. They will learn that it is okay to have a different point of view. They will learn to be fair and consider the opinions of others.

Don’t yell! In our home, when we wanted to get someone’s attention, we did not yell from room to room. We walked to wherever the other person was and spoke in a normal voice. They will learn to be courteous.

Teach them how to politely “interrupt”. If I was speaking to another adult and my child needed my attention, they had to come to me and wait patiently until I excused myself. Then be sure you do excuse yourself and give your child the attention they need. They will learn self-control and patience.

If your child needs discipline, take them away to speak to them in private and not in front of others. They will maintain a sense of self-worth and dignity.

Most necessary of all, learn to be quick to apologize if you realize you have acted disrespectfully toward your children. They will learn the importance and strength of humility.

There seems to be a frightful shortage of some of the standards my husband and I grew up with in our world today. But we can still teach our children the essential values that will promise to allow them a better life and prepare them to be the difference makers.

This is certainly not a comprehensive study on teaching respect but perhaps it will get you started! Or get you thinking! As I was preparing to write on this subject, I had to examine myself to see if I was doing a good job. I discovered an area where I have been disrespectful and had to apologize and repent from my actions. Check-ups are always a good idea.

I will leave you with some great scriptures to look up. Happy Parenting! Keep up the great work!

Romans 12:10 Romans 13:7 Luke 6:30-36 Philippians 2:3-4 1 Peter 2:17